Things to Think About - Country Style #2

• Meanness don't jes' happen overnight
• Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads
• Do not corner something that is meaner than you
• It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge
• You cannot unsay a cruel word

Things to Think About - Country Style #1

• your fences need to be horse-high, pig tight and bull-strong
• keep skunks, bankers and lawyers at a distance
• life is simpler when you plow around the stump
• a bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor
• words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled

Grandma's age

Little Johnny asked his grandma how old she was.

Grandma answered, "39 and holding."

Johnny thought for a moment, then he asked, "How old would you be if you let go?"

Didn't work?

Little Davie watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.

"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" asked little Davie. "Giving up?"

Psychology Reversed?

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they are stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, little Davie stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you are stupid, little Davie?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."

A Good Memory!

When my three year old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased.

I turned to mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"

Mom smiled and then replied, "I remember!"

Mood Rings Really Do Work

My husband bought me a mood ring the other day. When I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his forehead.

Nice Trick

"Oh, I sure am happy to see you", the little boy said to his grandmother on his mother's side. "Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us."

The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that?", she asked.

"I heard him tell mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit", the little boy answered.

Saying Grace

The Sunday School teacher asked Johnny, "Now Johnny, tell me, do you say prayers before eating?"

"No, sir," he replied. "We don't have to. My mom is a good cook."

Fees

A little boy in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed around the offering plates. When they came near his pew, the boy said loudly "Don't pay for me daddy. I'm under five."

Support a Family?

The prospective father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?"

The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves."

Easter

One Easter Sunday morning as the minister was preaching the children's sermon, he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg. He pointed at the egg and asked the children, "What's in here?"

"I know!" a little boy exclaimed, " Pantyhose!"

Palm Sunday

It was Palm Sunday and, because of a sore throat, five-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches. The boy asked what they were for.

"People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by."

Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed, "The one Sunday I don't go, He shows up!"

Life after Death

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes, sir," the new employee replied.

"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you!"

Doctor #8

You know of course that all doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month or more for an appointment and the first thing he says is "I wish you had come to see me sooner."

Doctor #7

When I told my doctor that I had broken my leg in two places, he told me to stay away from those places.