Ambiguity & Idiosyncrasies #2

If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Where do Forest Rangers to to "Get away from it all?"

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating and endangered plant?

Ambiguity & Idiosyncrasies #1

One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the Self-Help Section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

Road Signs #6

Hallmark: Face it. You'll never come up with anything clever on your own.

Road Signs #5

If drinking and driving is illegal, why do bars have parking lots?

Exxon: Where are all the news crews when we're NOT spilling anything?

Road Signs #4

Dyslexics Untie!

Saskatoon: There's plenty of room for all of God's creations...Right next to the mashed potatoes.

Road Signs #3

Mary Kay: Like a cult, but without the animal sacrifices.

U. S. Army: We are proud of our privates.

Road Signs #2

Hooked on Phonics: Helping Kids Read Gooder

Daisy Air Rifles: Keeping Kids Off Your Lawn Since 1886!

Road Signs #1

Road Signs #1

"Don't Drink and Drive.
You'll Only Spill It!"

MacDonald's labeled sing with picture of a sandwich:
"Beef.
(Mostly)

EDS Federal Unnatural Laws #12

No matter where you go, there you are.

EDS Federal Unnatural Laws #11

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

EDS Federal Unnatural Laws #10

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

EDS Federal Unnatural Laws #9

Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.

EDS Federal Unnatural Laws #8

When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

EDS Federal Unnatural Laws #7

People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being made.

EDS Federal Unnatural Laws #6

The secret to success is sincerity. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

EDS Federal Unnatural Laws #5

Even if the shoe doesn't fit, we wear it.

EDS Federal Unnatural Laws #4

EDS Federal Unnatural Laws #4

Operations guide to modern science:
1. If it's green or it wriggles, it's biology.
2. If it stinks, it's chemistry.
3. If it doesn't work, it's physics.

EDS Federal Unnatural Laws #3

The Law of Inter-Departmental Communication: Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

EDS Federal Unnatural Laws #2

Cooper's Revelation: Virtue is its own punishment.

EDS Federal Unnatural Laws #1

The Mail room:

Cleanliness is next to impossible.

Just Wondering #32

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

Just Wondering #31

Just Wondering #31

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

(I seem to have this problem every week at the grocery :( )

Just Wondering #30

Why do people keep running over a thread a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Just Wondering #29

The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it is you.

Just Wondering #28

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Just Wondering #27

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Just Wondering #26

How come you never hear any father-in-law jokes?

Just Wondering #25

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?