Wrong Numbers

Joke for the Day

My little brother has just written a new book: "Why are Wrong Numbers Never Busy?"

Office Party

Joke of the Day

A guy attended one of those annual office parties, which tend to get blurrier and blurrier as the evening progresses.

The next day, he was nursing a mild hangover when he received a call from the company president.

"Harry," said the top man, "I don't like to moralize and I know you don't often drink to excess. But you overdid it a bit last night and I was quite concerned about you. Tell me frankly, how did you get home?"

There was a long pause before Harry replied, "Sir, you drove me!"

Two for One

Joke of the Day

Two for One

A friend said, "She has enough brains for two!"

I replied, "She's just the one for you."

What's Your Field of Study

Joke of the Day

What's Your Field of Study

All mean study women. Some even take a post-graduate course.

Expert

Joke of the Day

Expert

An expert is a person who knows no more than you, but is better organized and has better slides.

(Maybe this explains why experts disagree?)

Husband

Joke of the Day

A husband is a man who made the wrong turn at Lovers Lane.

Engaged

Joke for the Day

Engaged:

Blonde: "Now that we're engaged, you're going to give me a ring, aren't you?"
Him: "Sure, beautiful. What's your telephone number?"

A Wise Father

Joke of the Day

A wise father is one who throws away his old grade cards.

Alimony

Joke of the Day

Definition of alimony: "The high cost of leaving."

Rest Up

Joke for the Day:

You are getting older when it takes you longer to rest than it did to get tired.

Eat Your Spinach

Joke for the Day:

Eat Your Spinach

Once there was a mother who asked her young daughter, "Do you know what happens to little girls who tell lies?"

The little girl replied, "Of course, I do. They grow up and tell their little girls they'll get curly hair if they eat their spinach."

Think Again!

Joke of the Day:

Think Again!

Hubby: "If I had to do it all over again, do you know whom I'd marry?"
Wifey: "No, whom?"
Hubby: "You!"
Wifey: "That's what you think!"

Which are You?

Joke of the Day

Which are you?

There are three classes of men: the intellectual, the handsome and the majority.

1st Day of Kindergarten

Joke of the Day:

1st Day of Kindergarten -

Pupil -- "May I go home? I'm worried about my mother. This is the first time I've left her alone."

Gave Her Away?

Joke of the Day:

Gave Her Away?

(I can relate to this one)

A father is a person who spends thousands of dollars on his daughter's wedding and then reads in the paper that he gave her away.

Teach Your Parrot to Talk

Joke of the Day:

Mother: "Why, Johnny! I do believe you are teaching that parrot to swear!"
Johnny: "No, I'm not, Mother. I'm telling it what it mustn't say."

College Handwriting Skills

Joke of the Day:

College Handwriting Skills

"Professor, what is this you wrote at the end of my paper?"

"I only suggested that you write plainer next time."

Used Cars

Joke of the Day:

(This one reminds me of my dad. He had a penchant for buying used cars, and they were rarely worth anything)

A little girl asked her mother what becomes of old cars after they can't be used any more. Her mother replied, "They sell them to your father!"

Barn Dance

Joke of the Day

Will the corn get shocked if it sees the barn dance?

States' Sights

Joke of the Day

States' Sights

Did Tennessee all that Arkansas?

Hello

Joke of the Day

Will the lipstick if the ear rings?

Linens

Joke of the Day

Linen

If the bedspread, will the pillow slip?

Resting

Joke of the Day:

If a ham hangs in the smokehouse, where will the veal loaf?

Mulberry Leaves

Joke for the Day:

Mulberry Leaves

If the Mulberry leaves, will the banana split?

Honeydew

Joke for the Day:

What will honeydew when she finds she cantaloupe?

Yeast

Joke for the Day:

If the yeast foams, why can't the cream puff?

Toothache?

Joke for the Day:

If the red rooster had a toothache, would the leghorn pullet?

Symptoms of Middle (or Old) Age #11

Joke for the Day:

Symptoms of Middle (or Old) Age #11

When you decide to look a lot handsomer in glasses.

Symptoms of Middle (or Old) Age #10

Joke for the Day:

Symptoms of Middle (or Old) Age #10

When work is no longer play and play is getting to be work.

Symptoms of Middle (or Old) Age #9

Joke for the Day:

Symptoms of Middle (or Old) Age #9

When you have met so many people that every new person reminds you of someone else and usually is.

Symptoms of Middle (or Old) Age #8

Joke for the Day:

Symptoms of Middle (or Old) Age #8

When your wife tells you to pull in your stomach and you already have.