The Laughter Library published 1936 #111

During the Prohibition days a speaker referred to the difficulty of enforcing the law because so many citizens refused to take it seriously.

"They are like the chap whose cellar was searched by enforcement officers the other day." he said.

"An officer said to him, 'There are hundreds of empty whisky bottles in your cellar. How did they get there?'

"'Blest if I know,' said the owner of the cellar and laughed. 'I never bought an empty whisky bottle in my life'."

The Laughter Library published 1936 #98

Mark Twain once debated polygamy with a Mormon. The Mormon claimed polygamy was perfectly moral and defied Mark to cite any passage of Scripture which forbade it.

'Well,' said Twain, 'how about that passage that tells us no man can serve two masters?'

The Laughter Library published 1936 #65

'In what condition was the patriarch Job at the end of his life?' asked the teacher of the quiet boy who had not had a question.

'Dead' was the calm reply.

The Laughter Library published 1936 #64

'Mention 12 animals of the polar region' the examination paper read. The desparing student wrote 'Six seals and six bears.'

The Laughter Library published 1936 #28

A young man, known more widely for his athletic prowess than for his ability to grasp the fundamentals of a college education, had transferred from one university football team to another, after having made a very poor scholastic record.

A professor from the second school was jibing his friend who taught at the first school about their respective requirements.

"We figured that if you required the average student to make a grade of 75, it was only fair to pass Bill on a grade of 50. So we gave him a special examination. Well the average student is asked ten questions so we decided it was fair to ask Bill two questions."

"First I asked him what was the color of blue vitriol acid and he said 'pink' and that was wrong. Next, I asked him if he knew how to make sulphuric acid and he said 'No,' and that was right, so I passed him."

The Laughter Library published 1936 #27

A very up-to-date young minister was explaining to one of his less modish parishoners that an American version of the Bible had been printed, and was in fact quite interesting.

'Well, sir, if you don't mind, I won't be making any changes. If King James' version was good enough for St. Paul it's good enough for me.'

The Laughter Library published 1936 #24

A woman had been collecting benefits on her health insurance policy for some time. Finally a company examiner called on her, and after an extended examination said:

'Madam, it is quite evident that your neuritis is caused by your teeth, and they will have to come out. Let me see them, please.'

'All right, doctor,' she replied. 'Hold out your hand.'