Perfection

I am a nobody.

Nobody is Perfect.

Therefore, I am Perfect.

What did you say?

My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.

Also, my short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.

Eat more chicken

Red meat is not bad for you;

Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

Headline

"Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!"

Where are we?

Heaven is where:
The police are British;
The chefs are Italian;
The mechanics are German;
The lovers are French;
And it is all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is where:
The police are German;
The chefs are British;
The mechanics are French;
The lovers are Swiss;
And it is all organized by the Italians.

Kleptomania

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

The Laughter Library published 1936 #413

Henry Ward Beecher was buying a horse and the owner was describing the animal:

'This horse is perfectly sound,' he said. 'He can go any gait - walk, pace, trot or gallop. He will stand without hitching and work any place you put him - on the off side or the near side - buggy, plow or wagon. He is perfectly gentle, though full of spirit; goes when you want him to and stops when you say 'Whoa'. He has no bad traits; will neither bite nor kick; comes when you call him and does not run off when he sees anything strange.'

Beecher looked admiringly at the animal and said wistfully, 'Ah, I wish that horse were a member of my church.'