RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ..... 3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen. 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair. 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake." 8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!". 10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. 11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'. 12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. 13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!". Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it. These were the good old days when humour didn't have to start with a four-letter word. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, "And May God Bless", with a big smile on his face. "IN GOD WE TRUST"

What love means to a child #18

A four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there........When his mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry.'..........

What love means to a child #17

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean ti, you should say it a lot. People forget.'...........Jessica, age 8

What love means to a child #16

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.'.......Karen, age 7

What love means to a child #15

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'........Laura, age 4

What love means to a child #14

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'.....Mary Ann, age 4

What love means to a child #13

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'.........Chris, age 7