Joke Editor's Dictionary #7:

Psychiatrist - n. - 
(1) A fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks you for nothing. (Joey Adams)
(2) The next person you start talking to after you start talking to yourself. (Fred Allen)

Queen - n. - Someone who is never late -- everyone else is simply early.

Reality - n. - A leading cause of stress for those in touch with it. (Jane Wagner)
Rotisserie - n. - A morbid Ferris wheel for chickens. (Mitch Hedberg)

Savings - n. - A very fine thing, especially when your parent have done it for you. (Winston Churchill)

Joke Editor's Dictionary #6:

Narcissist - n - someone better looking than you are. (Gore Vidal)
NASCAR - n. - the act of turning left in a Chevrolet for four hours. (Urban Dictionary)

Opera - n. - when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings. (Ed Gardner)

Pessimist - n. - someone who is constantly being proven right or pleasantly surprised. (George Will)

Joke Editor's Dictionary #5:

Jury - n. - Twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. (Robert Frost)

Ketchup - n. - A condiment that, when left overnight on a dinner plate, has a longer half-life than radioactivity. (Wes Smith)

Life - n. - What happens when you're not watching TV. (Jason Love)

Media - n. - The plural of mediocrity. (Jimmy Breslin)
Meow - n. - Woof, in cat. (George Carlin)

Joke Editor's Dictionary #4:

Hollywood - n. - The only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap - Steve Martin
Humans - n. - The only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home - Bill Cosby

Internet - n. - The death of the idea that your cat was special or that your dad was the only one who said Tar-jay - Alison Agosti

Joke Editor's Dictionary #3:

Experience - n. - That marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

Firefighter - n. - One of the few job titles kind enough to warn me away by containing two words I'm not interested in, unlike the deceptive bookkeeper.
Fruit - n. - A vegetable with looks and money.

Greeting Card - n. - When you care enough to send the very best but not enought to actually write something.

Heaven - n. - A gated community.
Heck - n. - The place people go if they don't believe in gosh.

Joke Editor's Dictionary #2:

Committee - n. - A cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.
Conclusion - n. - The place you reach when you're tired of thinking.

Dachsund - n. - A dog that is half a dog high and a dog and a half long.
Disappointment - n. - Receiving no likes on a witty status.
Drama - n. Life with the dull bits left out.

Joke Editor's Dictionary #1

April, 2013 Readers Digest: Our Joke Editor's Dictionary by Andy Simmons:

Abdicate - v. - To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
Advice - n. - What we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't (Erica Jong)
Age - n. - A high price to pay for maturity (Tom Stoppard)

Bookstore - n. - One of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking (Jerry Seinfeld)

Calories - n. - Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes tighter every night

Cat - n. - An animal intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose (Garrison Keillor)