Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: Maria
Monday, February 14, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Perks of getting older
01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
04. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won't wear out.
08. You can eat supper at 4PM.
09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather
service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them
either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
04. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won't wear out.
08. You can eat supper at 4PM.
09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather
service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them
either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
How cold is it?
I just got off the phone with friend living in northern North Dakota near the Canadian border. He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling.
The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force.
His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare.
He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.
The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force.
His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare.
He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Moose Hunting
Two Texans, Billy Bob and Bubba, got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt Moose.
They managed to bag six Moose. But, as they were loading the plane, the pilot said he could carry only four Moose.
The two lads objected strongly, "Last year we got six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six Moose were loaded.
However, on take-off the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing into the wilderness. Somehow, Billy Bob and Bubba survived the crash, and climbed out of the wreckage.
Billy Bob asked Bubba, "Any idea where we are?"
"I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
They managed to bag six Moose. But, as they were loading the plane, the pilot said he could carry only four Moose.
The two lads objected strongly, "Last year we got six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six Moose were loaded.
However, on take-off the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing into the wilderness. Somehow, Billy Bob and Bubba survived the crash, and climbed out of the wreckage.
Billy Bob asked Bubba, "Any idea where we are?"
"I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
Monday, January 17, 2011
The Importance of Walking
Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing..
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, 'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years,...just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing..
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, 'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years,...just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)