What you learn as you get older 1

• I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
• My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.
• I finally got my head together and now my body is falling apart.
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

Gentle Thoughts for today 2

1. He who hesitates is probably right.
2. Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for '40' are 'XL'?
3. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
4. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
5. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
6. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

Finishing the Proverb 3

1. Laugh and whole world laughs with you, cry and........you have to blow your nose.
2. There are none so blind as........Stevie Wonder.
3. Children should be seen and not..........spanked or grounded.
4. If at first you don't succeed.........get new batteries.
5. You get out of something only what you..........see in the picture on the box.
6. When the blind lead the blind.........get out of the way.
7. A bird in the hand..........is going to poop on you.
8. Better late than..........pregnant.

Finishing the Proverb 2

1. If you lie down with dogs, you'll...........stink in the morning
2. Love all, trust........me
3. The pen is mightier than the..........pigs
4. An idle mind is the...........best way to relax
5. Where there's smoke, there's...........pollution
6. Happy the bride who...........gets all the presents
7. A penny saved is...........not much
8. Two's company, three's...........the Musketeers
9. Don't put off till tomorrow what.............you put on to go to bed

Finishing the Proverb 1

A 1st grade teacher asked her 26 students to provide the ending to well-known proverbs as she gave each a unique 1st half. The results:

1. Don't change horses.......until they stop running.
2. Strike while the......bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before.......Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of.......termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water, but.......how?
6. Don't bit the hand that..........looks dirty.
7. No news is............impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a..........Mrs.
9. You can't teach an old dog new.........math

Thought for the Day 1

• Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car
• When I'm feeling good, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and choke himself.
• A penny saved is a government oversight
• The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
• The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and fat have gotten to be really good friends.
• The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Why????????...5

• If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
• Why is bra singular and panties plural?
• Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
• Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
• How come abbreviated is such a long word?
• Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
• Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
• Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?