Serenity #5:

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated and , second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.

"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?"

"Then I'll be sure that my daughters visit me twice a week."

Serenity #4:

I've sure gotten old! I've had 2 bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia; have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my drivers license!

Serenity #3:

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs and have fun finding them.

Serenity #2:

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:

"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?," The reporter asked.

She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

Serenity #1:

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"

"98", she replied, "Two years older than me."

"So, you're 96," the undertaker commented.

She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

Why everyone likes retirement #3:

What is the best way to describe retirement? The never-ending coffee break.

What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with? He too polite to tell the whole truth.

What do you do all week? Monday through Friday, nothing... Saturday and Sunday, rest.

Why everyone likes retirement #2:

Among retirees what is considered formal attire? Tied shoes

Why do retirees count pennies? They are the only ones who have the time.

What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire? Nuts.

Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

What do retirees call a long lunch? Normal