Deceased Would Be Dressy

The clothier was boasting of the sagacity of his head clerk.

"That feller Jake," he said, "that's the smartest boy in the world. You don't believe it, huh? Listen: I prove it to you. Only yesterday there come in here a poor widow whose husband just had died. She wanted to get some clothes to bury the corpse in.

"And what did Jake do? I tell you: Not only did he sell her the most expensive suit that we had in stock but he got her to take also an extra pair of trousers.

No Parent Left Behind #3

Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

I kept Billie home because she had to Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.

Sally won't be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.

No Parent Left Behind #2

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was urt in the growing part.

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Chris will not be in scholl cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

How to Lead

I've got to follow them; I'm their leader.

Classes of People

People come in three classes: the few who make things happen; the many who watch things happen; and the overwhelming majority who have no idea what happened (I'm in the majority  )

Thinking

Ours is the age which is proud of machines that think, and suspicious of men who try to.

No Parent Left Behind #1

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.
2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and I had her shot
3. Dear school: please ecs's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.
4. Please excuse gloria from jim today.  She is administrating.
5. Please excuse roland from p .e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

Experience

It seems that every time you are ready to graduate from the school of experience, somebody thinks up a new course.

Definitions would be good things if we didn't use words to make them.

Experts are made; not born

Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish a reputation as an expert.

Don't You Know It!

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less.

Freedom of Speech

Freedom of speech was arranged by our ancestors who couldn't possibly have any  idea of what all was going to be said.

Picky Teacher

Teacher's note on a report card: Alvin excels in initiative, group interaction, responsiveness and activity participation. Now if he'd only learn to read and write.

What Could it Be?

Young son to mother, "Remember yesterday you gave me a nickel not to say darn any more? Well, today I learned a word worth at least a dollar."

I always wondered

The main difference between intelligence and stupidity is that intelligence has limits.

Leroy