It runs in the family

A woman goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The woman replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, "Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax and rest."

"Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the woman to work as usual. A couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the woman. He looks out from his office and see the woman crying hysterically.

"What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?" he asks.

"No!" exclaims the woman. "I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too."

Hot and Cold

A blonde (or hillbilly) was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She (or he) was quite fascinated by it, so she/he picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, "Why, that's a thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

"Wow", said the blonde (hillbilly), "that's amazing. I'm going to buy it!" So he/she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.

Her/his boss saw it on her/his desk. "What's that?" he asked.

"Why, that's a thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she/he replied.

Her/his boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"

The blonde (or hillbilly) replied "Two Popsicles and some coffee."

How to repair dents in your car

A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard and the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder and still nothing happened.

Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, "What are you doing?"

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."

You might have to think twice about this one.

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late on night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.

"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.

"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?"

"No, silly" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, I just paid $6,000 for these implants. I'm not going to shoot myself in the chest."

"So, then?" asked the doctor.

"Then I put the gun in my mouth and I thought, I just paid $3,000 to get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."

"So, then?" asked the doctor.

"Then I put the gun to my ear and I thought, this is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger."

Cold Winter?

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?

They had gone to see "Closed for the Winter."

Two Blondes With Hammers

Lisa and Judy were doing some carpentry work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Lisa was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.

Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"

Lisa explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away."

Judy got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"

Blondes are back #1

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. The blonde jumps out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this." She goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back to bed and her husband says, "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"

The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard. Let's see how THEY like it!"