I just watched my dog chase its tail for 5 minutes and I thought 'Dogs are easily entertained.' Then I realized I was just watching my dog chase its tail for 5 minutes!
Instead of John, I call my bathroom Jim. It sounds better when I say I went to the Jim first thing in the morning.
Once you lick the frosting off a cupcake, it becomes a muffin ... and muffins are healthy.
The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest.
The internet went down and I had to spend time with the family. They seem like good people.
Based on my calculations, I can retire about 5 years after I die.
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