911 Emergency Calls 5

DISPATCHER: 911; What is your emergency?
CALLER: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. I think I'm going to pass out.


DISPATCHER: Sir, where are you calling from.
CALLER: I'm at a pay phone at North and Foster.


DISPATCHER: Sir, an ambulance is on it's way, are you asthmatic?
CALLER: No.


DISPATCHER: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
CALLER: Running from the police.

911 Emergency Calls 4

DISPATCHER: 911; What is your emergency?
CALLER: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!


DISPATCHER: Is this her first child?
CALLER: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

911 Emergency Calls 3

DISPATCHER: 911; What is your emergency?
CALLER: I'm trying to reach nine-eleven, but my phone does not have an eleven on it.


DISPATCHER: This is nine-eleven.
CALLER: I thought you said it was nine one one.

DISPATCHER: Yes, ma'am, nine one one and nine eleven are the same thing.
CALLER: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

911 Emergency Calls 2

DISPATCHER: 911; What is your emergency?
CALLER: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich and...


DISPATCHER: Excuse me!
CALLER: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom someone had taken a bite out of it.

DISPATCHER: Was anything else taken?
CALLER: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it.

911 Emergency Calls 1

DISPATCHER: 911; What is your emergency?
CALLER: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.


DISPATCHER: Do you have an address?
CALLER: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why do you ask?

time for a laugh 2

• FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, $200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

• TEACHER: Why are you late?
• STUDENT: Class started before I got here

• TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell crocodile?
• GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L
• TEACHER: No, that's wrong.
• GLENN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

• TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
• WINNIE: Me!

• TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I"
• MILLIE: I is....
• TEACHER: No, Millie. Always say "I am..."
• MILLIE: All right. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet"

time for a laugh 1

• FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER: 8 years old; hateful; bites!
• FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbors' dog
• COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED: Also 1 gay bull for sale
• WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE: Worn once by mistake!