A blonde man is in jail. The guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blonde replies.
"It should be around your neck," says the guard.
"I know," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."
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A blonde's dog goes missing, and she is frantic.
Her husband says, "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
She does, but two weeks later, the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" her husband asks.
She replies, "Here boy!"
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An Italian tourist asks a blonde, "Why do American scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the blonde replies, "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
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