Friday, January 10, 2014

Steven Wright #12:

"I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say 'I think I might have written that.'"

"So, do I live around here often?"

"I got up one morning, couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, 'Hello, Information.' I said, 'I can't find my socks.' She said, 'They're behind the couch.' And they were!"

"When I was a little kid, we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child - eventually."

(Referring to a glass of water) "I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!"

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