Friday, April 11, 2014

Steven Wright #24:

The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honor. Who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?"

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot. Then I sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone. When I came back the entire area was missing.

I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how." She said, "It's real easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left." So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity, I hung a right. My mother was there and she said, "I though I told you to go to sleep."

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night.

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