List of Reasons #4:

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers, but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.