Joke Editor's Dictionary #3:

Experience - n. - That marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

Firefighter - n. - One of the few job titles kind enough to warn me away by containing two words I'm not interested in, unlike the deceptive bookkeeper.
Fruit - n. - A vegetable with looks and money.

Greeting Card - n. - When you care enough to send the very best but not enought to actually write something.

Heaven - n. - A gated community.
Heck - n. - The place people go if they don't believe in gosh.