Psychiatrist - n. -
(1) A fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks you for nothing. (Joey Adams)
(2) The next person you start talking to after you start talking to yourself. (Fred Allen)
Queen - n. - Someone who is never late -- everyone else is simply early.
Reality - n. - A leading cause of stress for those in touch with it. (Jane Wagner)
Rotisserie - n. - A morbid Ferris wheel for chickens. (Mitch Hedberg)
Savings - n. - A very fine thing, especially when your parent have done it for you. (Winston Churchill)
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