Joke Editor's Dictionary #1

April, 2013 Readers Digest: Our Joke Editor's Dictionary by Andy Simmons:

Abdicate - v. - To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
Advice - n. - What we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't (Erica Jong)
Age - n. - A high price to pay for maturity (Tom Stoppard)

Bookstore - n. - One of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking (Jerry Seinfeld)

Calories - n. - Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes tighter every night

Cat - n. - An animal intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose (Garrison Keillor)