It only rains straight down. God doesn't do windows.
When I get bored I go to a Seven-Eleven and ask for a two-by-four and a box of three-by-fives.
Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked why. It told me it was none of my business.
I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.
I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.
I went to a garage sale. "How much for the garage?" "It's not for sale!"
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.
I know the guy who writes all thos bumper stickers. He hates New York!
A beautiful woman moved in next door so I went and returned a cup of sugar. "You didn't borrow this." "I will."
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