Steven Wright #14

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". so I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of a Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?"

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row." We stopped at a Denny's like this in Baton Rouge once.

I love to go shopping. I love to freak out the salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like? Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, "Extra Medium."

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on escalators.

I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap Department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.

For my birthday I go a humidifier and a de-humidifier.... I put thme in the same room and let them fight it out.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for "permanent press"? I don't get it.