Steven Wright #7

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, "do you want white cake or chocolate cake?" I said, "Yes."

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkied for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give the the other one next year.

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar."

I eat swiss cheese from the inside out.

I had amnesia once or twice.

I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar.

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everyone on the list.

The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.