Saturday, November 13, 2010

Steven Wright #11

I had my coathangers spayed.

I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I went to take it out, it was gone.

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

I went to a fancy French restaurant called "Deja Vu". The headwaiter said, "Don't I know you?"

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.

I took lessons in bicycle riding. But I could only afford half of them. Now I can ride a unicycle.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddently the prescription ran out.

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.

I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today."

I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy, "Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?" He said, "I don't know." I said, "I don't want your job."

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